This has been a fairly relaxing and low key spring break. I've done everything I've set out to do, and I've not let myself overplan our days (or evenings). Today the girls and I went to the movies, and now they are coloring eggs, mostly on their own. There has been relatively little bickering between the girls, and we've all had a good amount of fun.
You would think I would be ready to head back into school on Monday, refreshed and ready to tackle the last quarter of the year, that swift downward slope to summer.
Well... I'm not. I'm kind of bummed at the thought of heading back in on Monday. I wonder how much of that has to do with the fact that I'm not going back to a class full of students, eager to talk about what they did over break. Instead, I'll be getting things ready for our spring benchmark assessments in writing and reading and beginning to plan the assessment and intervention calendars for next year.
It's almost as if the decision to leave the classroom and move into the coaching position is only hitting me now. I am beginning to miss those things that I hadn't been missing so far, such as that daily interaction with three groups of kids that are "mine" and who share my class for 80 minutes each day. I miss hearing them bicker and joke and laugh together about the little things that make each learning community unique. I miss introducing them to new books and authors and watching them grow as readers and authors themselves.
I miss knowing I make a difference.
I'm a literacy coach in Denver, and am feeling the same way as you are. I got a lot done this break, and I love my job, but I'm feeling kind of down, too, about going back on Monday. Coaching is a hard job, especially when you have to do all the assessment stuff. I do get a lot of kid time, but still miss having my own group of kids. I miss reading aloud to kids most of all. Your last line is heartbreaking. I'm sure a lot of teachers would say you make a big difference, but it doesn't always feel that way!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything Carol said about leaving the classroom, especially that you do still make a difference!
ReplyDeleteCatherine
When the world revolves around benchmark testing (as it will soon for me .. again), it can really suck the fun out of those tender teaching moments. You start analyzing kids for different things than who they are. Or so I have found (even as I know that the assessments are valuable.)
ReplyDeleteKevin
Have you considered going back to the classroom?
ReplyDeleteLord knows we need every talented, devoted, and loving teacher we can get!
It would be very hard to think that you could do any job and not make a difference, Mindi. I suppose that when there are kids in front of you, it's just easier to see the difference you make. I also think it's important that more and more literacy coaches need to be the kind of people that you represent, people who know that kids are more than their test scores, more than the data. Maybe Gail is right, though. If you feel that this is too big a sacrifice to make, you might consider going back to the classroom.
ReplyDelete